Saturday, 24 June 2017

June Fly on the Wall

Welcome back to Fly on the Wall. This month 7 bloggers are joining together to show you all the weird and wonderful you would see if you were a fly on the wall in their house.

Fly on the Wall
Below is a list of all the blogs participating today, be sure to visit them all to enjoy all the crazy.

Menopausal Mother                     
A Little Piece of Peace                    
Never Ever Give Up Hope               
Bookworm in the Kitchen                      

Miss K: Mum you're a bandage.
Me: I'm a what?
Miss K: You're a bandage, a bad guy.
Me: Oh you mean bandit.
Miss K: Yeah. You're going to jail.

I got a call from Nat one night and she was in hysterics. I had direct instructions that the story she was about to tell had to be included in this post. I'd be more embarrassed to share this story were it not for the fact that this is just typical shenanigans for my dad and Kim.

So Dad and Kim travelled with Nat and her boyfriend Dave into the city to help one of our nieces celebrate her 18th birthday. They caught a tram into the city square, but the line they caught can be pretty confusing, some tram stops are placed at traffic lights, and others are placed after them. It turns out the stop they wanted was one of the stops placed after the traffic lights, but they didn't know this. So the tram stops at a red light and announces the name of their stop, so dad and Kim head towards the automatic doors and wait for them to open, except they don't because the tram isn't at the stop yet. So in true Kim form she started to panic and frantically pull at the doors, the stop button, anything she can get her hands on with no luck. Dad tries the door too but given he's a 64 year old man and the doors are electric he was no match for them. Nat and Dave tried to explain to both of them that they weren't at the stop yet, but neither were in any mood to listen to her and just kept pulling on the doors. It took a stranger to calm them down and explain that they needed to wait until the tram actually arrived at the designated stop before they could get off the tram.

So that part was bad enough, and it had me giggling pretty hard already. However, while I was on the phone with Natalie as she told me this story she had to stop talking for about two minutes to laugh, because while she'd turned her back on the group to speak to me, Kim had wandered off on her own and mistaken some random old man for dad and was currently trying to pull this poor confused man back with her to join the group. 

Words of encouragement from mum on my birthday

So I turned 33 at the end of May, and I decided that the best way to commemorate the increase in my age was to spend a day playing computer and board games at Sam and Jason's house, coupled with large amounts of junk food. I always say growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

Miss K and I were cooking dinner together one night.
Miss K: Mum, smell my fart.
Me: I don't want to smell your fart you feral.
Miss K: Ha ha, you already did.

Miss K has a reading log she's meant to bring home from school every single night. One night it wasn't in her bag, and she told me her teacher had instructed her to throw it away. I questioned her for ages because I knew that wasn't something that her teacher would say but she was insistent that she was just doing what she was told. So the next morning I went to see her teacher...
Mrs R: I looked in my bin last night and found Miss K's reading log in there.
Me: Yeah, she told me you told her to throw it away?
Mrs R: Oh. Oh, no there was a sticky note on the front, and it was looking pretty ratty so I pointed to that and told her she could throw it away as she didn't need it any more. I guess I should have been more specific.
Me: Yeah, she's a pretty literal person. 

Miss K's teacher is starting to learn just how literal Miss K is. However the work sheets she hands out aren't quite as sympathetic as she is. One sheet instructed the kids to draw a picture of a boy standing outside in spring. Sure enough Miss K translated that instruction literally and drew a picture of a boy surrounded by metal springs. 

Nat called me one day while I was at work with Sam, and after a short chat we ended the call, mainly because we both needed a bathroom break.
Me: Ok, I'm gonna go now, I'll be thinking of you while I'm on the toilet.
Nat: Thanks, you have fun with that, bye.
Sam: You two have a weird relationship.

I was working on a drawing of a taco while at work one day, and I decided to give him a sad face.
Sam: Why does that taco look so sad?
Me: He doesn't want to taco-bout it.
Cue me rolling on the floor at my hilarious dad level joke. 

Sam: So I was just having a dream that we were on the space station and we decided to play hide and seek, except something went wrong and you broke a window and we were about to get sucked out into space.
Me: Well it's a good thing that I woke you up then.
Sam: It is. Also if you ever do end up on the space station, please don't play hide and seek.
Me: Duly noted.

So that's all from this crazy corner of the world, I'm off to hunt out (or create) more shenanigans for next month.
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